Saturday, 28 April 2012

in_fer_til-ity

"Heart Wombs" by me 2012 :)
Epiphany...yes that's what it was. A moment of all-consuming enlightenment. Oh how to describe it so as to capture it. Well...let's start at the beginning.

Infertility; the side of the fence from which pregnancy looks way more enticing than it truly must be.
From 17 I knew I was infertile. Waking from my first of many long and detailed gynecological operations, I heard the surgeon trying to reassure my mum as he stated "she will never bare children..adoption will be her only option" The adoption option. Yeah riiiight! Yet, the non option of it all.

Tears fell....as my senses piqued..I shook off that GA in the beat of a broken heart... so sobering it was. To get off this merry-go-round has been my prayer ever since. 24 years later, I'm ready to fill these empty arms. :)

..to be continued.....


Tuesday, 21 February 2012

LLT


A familiar environment not too dissimilar to the feel of my clinical work place. If not for the neutral, earthy & strangely soothing tones it may be quite soulless.  With doors of aubergine, mushroom walls and carpet like fine sea-grass matting, I am most impressed by the wooden accents above the projector screen. They bring much serenity when the relentless slideshow becomes too tedious and wearisome.
Everything is so square and flush, a silent narrative on the seriousness of what we are here to achieve. The seating manages to afford more comfort (and humor) than one would first expect. Swings, see-saws and merry-go-rounds were my first impression. They are such curious fixtures consisting of a retractable arm and pivot mechanism, yet, no height adjustment. A reminder that we are adults here and the temptation (and thrill) of chair “swinging” will not be indulged in this environment. So pivot we shall, at the risk of “rocking the row” and irritating peers. 

Staring at the orderly lines of desk/chair engineering genius, my eyes fall upon the carpet beneath. The continuity is punctuated by scuff marks, where perhaps over the years, many a student has tried to tame their restless legs or quell the urge to run.  So what may have been chair swinging now becomes silent and stealthy “scuffing”. The scars beneath belie such a seemingly passive twitch.

So, little lecture theatre, you are as quaint as a lecture theatre can be. Sensible and clean with just enough comfort in an otherwise understated room. I feel you rise up to welcome and encourage me as I undertake a mission which will ultimately give my dreams wings. This is a safe place where I feel your warm embrace of gentle reassurance to “keep going” when times get tough. Of course, I may perhaps, just be yanking your chain.